Copperhead

When I saw the premise behind this movie, I was thankful to see that instead of having one large digital snake eating up the population, there were several thousand digital snakes taking over the town.  SPOILER ALERT, there is a large digital snake that also makes a guest appearance.  Medusa's Face is no stranger to large digital snakes.  It also is no stranger to several other actors who have been reviewed in these other B epics: Alien Siege, Bats: Human Harvest, Star Runners, MegaSnake, S.S. Doomtrooper and something tells me many more that I have not watched yet.  It's nice to see so many familiar faces.

 

In the years of the wild west, "Wild" Bill Longley is passing through a town in New Mexico on his way to California and wanted to see a friend of his.  But the friend has been killed by the Jesse Evans Gang.  People in this town are fearful of Jesse, even the sheriff.  Heck, the sheriff is fearful of his own britches.  What Wild Bill knows that nobody else knows is that there is a heap of snakes coming for the town.  If he doesn't get revenge for his friend, Murphy, then the snakes will.

 

After a standoff with Jesse, Wild Bill rallies the town to a) get rid of Jesse's gang and b) put up a fight against the snakes.  Cue the western montage.  Ditches are dug, guns are loaded, a gatling gun, and for good measure - a flame thrower.  The first few hundred snakes do like they are supposed to and go down the center of the town and basically wait to be killed.  It's the other several thousand that come over buildings and begin taking on the town folk.

 

Solution: blow up the saloon where nearly all of the snakes have congregated.  Simple enough, right.  Wrong.  The dynamite is down the street and most of the people are in the saloon.  They figure out a way to blow up the snakes, but one person makes a keen observation.  These snakes are babies.  The momma shows up soon enough.  She is probably about 20 feet long.  Similar to the size of snake in MegaSnake.  Now they have to kill the largest copperhead in the history of copperheads.  Killing one massive snake proves a lot easier than killing several thousand of normal sized snakes, because they take out that large snake rather quickly.

 

The story is alright.  They don't really explain why several thousand snakes gathered together to begin roaming across the countryside.  No real good quality death scenes either.  The digital snakes look like digital snakes.  Not much to look forward to there.  One of the best exchanges in the movie, " Where is everybody?"  "Dead, remember."  Classic.

 

If you have the time and this movie happens to be showing, you might be able to sit through it.  I wouldn't make an effort to see it though.

 

I give this movie 1 1/2 out of 5 fireplace pokers.

Boy Eats Girl

This movie was made in Ireland.  So it makes the cut for being a "foreign" flick here on Medusa's Face.

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

 

A lady is working inside of an old church, when she finds a secret passage to a crypt.  All sorts of items are there that were from missionaries who lost their way.  The priest catches her and sends her on her way.

 

The students at the town school are preparing for the end of term disco.  The shy fellow that wants to ask this girl out, can't seem to pull the trigger, and sees her later in another guy's car.  Thinking the worst, he goes home and begins drinking.  While drunk, he flirts with thoughts of suicide and puts his head in a noose.  Every teenager keeps one of those in their bedroom, right?  With a nudge from his mother, the son is strangled to death.  Good thing this is the lady who was helping out at the church, because otherwise she wouldn't get the voodoo book and bring her son back to life.

 

So we now have our first zombie.  Only, he's not that much of a zombie.  It's not until he bites the cheek of another student when the zombie virus is spread.  The next thing you know, just about everyone in town has become a zombie.  Even the priest!

 

There is one funny scene where the love interest of the story, climbs on a tractor and begins shredding most of the zombies on her property.  But other than that, the killing scenes are minimal.  The zombie cure is a bit odd too.  A bite from a poisonous snake.  Who would have thunk it?

 

I give this movie 3 out of 5 zombie priests.

Sea Snakes

This is a story of greed that turns into a story of snakes on a submarine.

 

On a remote island in the Pacific, two researchers have successfully bred some pit vipers with some mutant snakes.  The offspring have mutated chromosomes and are loaded with radioactive isotopes.  The offspring are also growing at an alarming rate.  Apparently the momma is out on the island somewhere because it swallows a local.

 

A submarine that was a museum piece three months previously has been decommissioned and is being sold to Taiwan.  Enter Luke Perry.  Luke is going to be the delivery boy for the sub.  The sub will have a skeleton crew who are mostly fresh out of submarine school.

 

Using satellites and ground intelligence, the U.S. Navy now knows that the Chinese plan to perform some naval maneuvers near the research facility.  Feeling that the research facility will be compromised, an evacuation is ordered.  The researchers are only supposed to take back four snakes, but the assistant takes all of them with him.  The decommissioned sub is the only vessel in the area and they are given new orders to perform the evacuation.

 

The sub gets the researchers, the snakes get loose on the sub, and the Chinese are driving their big boats around.  The plan was to "leave the snakes alone."  Kind of the if you don't bother them, they won't bother you notion.  Only, these snakes are aggressive and bother the crew.

 

The story doesn't work for me and there are no real quality kills.  It wasn't the most productive use of my time.

 

I give this movie 1/2 out of 5 Luke Perrys.

MegaSnake

This is one of the better movies I've seen recently.  It's got some quality kill scenes, funny lines, and a happy ending.  Aww.  Now, "break out the shotguns and gas up the ATVs.  We got us a big ass snake to kill."

 

Back in 1986, this family who are followers of a church that handles snakes, accidentally gets the father bitten and killed by a poisonous snake.  There are two boys in the family.  Fast forward twenty years.  The boys are now grown and still live with their mother.  The younger brother is now an EMT and the older brother is in the snake handling business.

 

The older brother needs some new snakes and finds a tattoo parlor where a Native-American works.  The Native-American is one of the last Keetowah tribe members and has a very rare and deadly snake named Unteka.  There are three rules when handling Unteka.  One, Unteka should never be removed from its jar.  Two, never feed it anything living.  And three, never fear the heart of the snake.  But there should have been a fourth rule, ... always turn your back on a guy who you have just met so that he may steal Unteka.  The older brother follows rule four.

 

He then breaks rule one, which leads to the breaking of rule two.  Seeing his snake escape, the older brother finds these two hillbillies and seeks their advice on killing Unteka.  He tries stabbing the snake and burying it, but that doesn't seem to work.  The snake grows and grows.  Killing more and more.  Which leads to a music montage where the two hillbillies fashion a crude flame thrower.  That doesn't work either, and the county fair is coming up soon.

 

Of course, Unteka makes its way to the fair.  And of course, Unteka begins biting off the heads of people on the Rock 'n' Roll Express ride, the Love Bug roller coaster, the bumper cars, and whatever else it can sink its fangs into.

 

One of the funnier scenes is when the children are learning about electricity from this guy on stage.  This kid notices the snake and our hero on stage leaps into action and tells the serpent, "That's it.  Time for some feed back," as he attempts to electrocute the snake.

 

Rule three saves the day as the younger brother is swallowed whole and cuts the heart out of the snake from the inside.  From the inside of a seventy-foot snake.  Yep.  Saw that one coming when I started watching this.

 

I give this movie 3 1/2 out of 5 Untekas.