Rollerball is one ultra violent sport. Besides the crazy rules of rollerskating around the field of play, there are several ramps for jumps. And also the "rabbit hole" for a player with the ball to go through and drop onto the other side of the course. Oh, .. and I forgot to mention the motorcycles on the course to help whip the players around to increase their speed. It's rather reckless.
The players, from all over the world, ride, twist, and turn on these tracks all over Asia. They wear silly costumes, have silly names. It's fun. But the owners are not happy with the ratings and begin to tweak events on the course to help boost ratings. The next thing you know, players are getting hit in the face and worse. Then the ratings skyrocket.
For such a violent and wacky sport, the violence factor is rather low. For the playoffs, penalties are removed and the violence gets kicked up a notch. A notch. That's it. I thought that it would have been kicked up a lot more.
Look. This is not one of the B movies that I normally review on Medusa's Face. No digital monsters. No buckets of blood. But, I'd watch this movie again. I wouldn't pay to own it, but I would watch this again.
I give this movie 2 1/2 out of 5 road luge contraptions.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Fast Girl
As an auto sports fan, you might be inclined to watch this movie. The movie is about a young girl who has lived around a race track and been involved with racing since she was a little girl. But the message here is not about racing, it is about her getting over her fears.
C'mon!
Alex's father died after rolling his racecar in turn 8 on a road course. And despite losing her father on the track, she wants to be a professional racecar driver. Lucky for her, the Flying Lizard Motor Sports has come to town to have open auditions for their team.
Look. 90% of the movie is about Alex, ... getting picked on by her rival, falling in love, working out her relationship with her uncle, and trying to get better as a driver. Throw in a montage of working out and sessions behind the wheel for good measure.
Pardon me, but I know this movie is not supposed to be about Danica Patrick, but it reeks of her somehow. Danica Patrick is one of the more popular and recognizable female drivers currently out there. And she is a good driver, she has proved that. But something tells me that she did not get her ride by winning one time trial.
This movie needed more racing for my tastes. A lot more. Not a bad flick, but not one that I would want to see again.
I give this movie 1 out of 5 racing helmets.
C'mon!
Alex's father died after rolling his racecar in turn 8 on a road course. And despite losing her father on the track, she wants to be a professional racecar driver. Lucky for her, the Flying Lizard Motor Sports has come to town to have open auditions for their team.
Look. 90% of the movie is about Alex, ... getting picked on by her rival, falling in love, working out her relationship with her uncle, and trying to get better as a driver. Throw in a montage of working out and sessions behind the wheel for good measure.
Pardon me, but I know this movie is not supposed to be about Danica Patrick, but it reeks of her somehow. Danica Patrick is one of the more popular and recognizable female drivers currently out there. And she is a good driver, she has proved that. But something tells me that she did not get her ride by winning one time trial.
This movie needed more racing for my tastes. A lot more. Not a bad flick, but not one that I would want to see again.
I give this movie 1 out of 5 racing helmets.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Death Tunnel
What is it with movies that don't have a physical villain to beat? With no giant digital snake or gator to blow up, it is like the people who come up with the story lines can't figure out how to end the movie. Even when the characters figure out the reason behind all of the silliness, it still doesn't make any sense.
The basic plot of this movie is to have a party where five college girls are abducted and brought to an abandoned hospital. They are monitored by closed circuit television and, I don't know, have to figure a way out or something. Five girls, five floors, five hours. The survivors get to go to a party or something. I have to admit, the prize didn't exactly fit the abduction.
The girls see some of the ghosts haunting the hallways of the facility, which freaks them out. And rightly so. But, some of the girls also take on the persona of the dead from the facility. It's all very odd. After a while, I was hoping that the ghost man with the mask would take them all out.
Gore is at a minimum. No violence to speak of either. One scene with a girl stabbing another girl with a shard of glass does not count. Especially since the stabbing was fast forwarded so that the stabbing girl would not realize who she was stabbing.
Freaked out level was at 6 out of 10. But after a while, the freak level drops to 1. Nothing to redeeming about this film for me. At some point of the ending, the girl who makes it through the five hours wants to save the thousands of souls that were transported through the Death Tunnel. No idea how she is supposed to save them, but she wants to somehow save their souls. And then the movie ends. Thankfully.
At the beginning of this movie, there is a note that this movie is based on true events. I can't even begin to think what would be the truth to the story. Other than it sucked.
I give this movie 0 out of 5 buckets of orange goop.
The basic plot of this movie is to have a party where five college girls are abducted and brought to an abandoned hospital. They are monitored by closed circuit television and, I don't know, have to figure a way out or something. Five girls, five floors, five hours. The survivors get to go to a party or something. I have to admit, the prize didn't exactly fit the abduction.
The girls see some of the ghosts haunting the hallways of the facility, which freaks them out. And rightly so. But, some of the girls also take on the persona of the dead from the facility. It's all very odd. After a while, I was hoping that the ghost man with the mask would take them all out.
Gore is at a minimum. No violence to speak of either. One scene with a girl stabbing another girl with a shard of glass does not count. Especially since the stabbing was fast forwarded so that the stabbing girl would not realize who she was stabbing.
Freaked out level was at 6 out of 10. But after a while, the freak level drops to 1. Nothing to redeeming about this film for me. At some point of the ending, the girl who makes it through the five hours wants to save the thousands of souls that were transported through the Death Tunnel. No idea how she is supposed to save them, but she wants to somehow save their souls. And then the movie ends. Thankfully.
At the beginning of this movie, there is a note that this movie is based on true events. I can't even begin to think what would be the truth to the story. Other than it sucked.
I give this movie 0 out of 5 buckets of orange goop.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Heartstopper
Ever heard the phrase, "The devil made me do it"? This movie has a serial killer who has the devil make him do it. Too bad the devil didn't come up with a better ending.
This serial killer who has a knack for staying alive is out to transfer his soul into a new host so that he can continue working for Satan. Luckily, there is a suicidal teenage girl who fits the profile that he wishes. Seems a little dumb to want to use a girl who wants to off herself. I mean, ... what if she is still suicidal after the transfer? All that energy would be wasted.
Buckets of blood later, and I mean buckets, the girl is no longer suicidal and needs to kill the killer to stay alive. But here is the kicker, the killer needs to remove the still beating heart of his victim in order to stay alive. So guess what, ... the girl needs to remove his heart in order to kill him. Pretty cool, huh?
Lots of fake blood in this movie. Good old fashioned over the top violence too. Electrocutions, scalpels to the eye, and general chest rippings. All good stuff to look forward to viewing. There is even a woman who gets her head set on fire. And the best part, ... Robert Englund is the sheriff. You might remember him from such Medusa's Face classics like 2001 Maniacs or Zombie Strippers.
The ending was weak, but other than that, a real slaughter festival. And they don't waste anytime with the gore in this one. There is a scene that I thought was particularly funny. The head nurse is attempting to give blood to one of the students, but she is so rattled by the killer in the hospital that the girl who is being chased says, "Let me do it" and she does. I don't know why that tickled me, but it did.
I give this movie 3 out of 5 blood bags.
This serial killer who has a knack for staying alive is out to transfer his soul into a new host so that he can continue working for Satan. Luckily, there is a suicidal teenage girl who fits the profile that he wishes. Seems a little dumb to want to use a girl who wants to off herself. I mean, ... what if she is still suicidal after the transfer? All that energy would be wasted.
Buckets of blood later, and I mean buckets, the girl is no longer suicidal and needs to kill the killer to stay alive. But here is the kicker, the killer needs to remove the still beating heart of his victim in order to stay alive. So guess what, ... the girl needs to remove his heart in order to kill him. Pretty cool, huh?
Lots of fake blood in this movie. Good old fashioned over the top violence too. Electrocutions, scalpels to the eye, and general chest rippings. All good stuff to look forward to viewing. There is even a woman who gets her head set on fire. And the best part, ... Robert Englund is the sheriff. You might remember him from such Medusa's Face classics like 2001 Maniacs or Zombie Strippers.
The ending was weak, but other than that, a real slaughter festival. And they don't waste anytime with the gore in this one. There is a scene that I thought was particularly funny. The head nurse is attempting to give blood to one of the students, but she is so rattled by the killer in the hospital that the girl who is being chased says, "Let me do it" and she does. I don't know why that tickled me, but it did.
I give this movie 3 out of 5 blood bags.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Bane
Before I start this, .. let me just say, "what?" I mean really. What? I've seen some pretty odd movies, but this one is one of the oddest.
Four women are isolated and tortured so that the research team can study their brain waves when the women are experiencing a raw emotion. Mostly fear. At different points in the film, a man cuts a time into the flesh of one of the women. That time is when they are taken away and then brutalized.
Buckets of fake blood later, one of the women comes out of the experiment alive and the experiment is finally explained. And I don't mind telling you that it is one of the most wretched explanations ever thought up. Turns out, the emotion that the researchers really needed was love.
(single tear)
Now that I have seen this movie, I know that I will never have to see it again. This was one of the worst movies that I have ever seen. And I like bad movies, so I have seen my fair share of lemons.
I give this movie 0 out of 5 smashed clocks.
Four women are isolated and tortured so that the research team can study their brain waves when the women are experiencing a raw emotion. Mostly fear. At different points in the film, a man cuts a time into the flesh of one of the women. That time is when they are taken away and then brutalized.
Buckets of fake blood later, one of the women comes out of the experiment alive and the experiment is finally explained. And I don't mind telling you that it is one of the most wretched explanations ever thought up. Turns out, the emotion that the researchers really needed was love.
(single tear)
Now that I have seen this movie, I know that I will never have to see it again. This was one of the worst movies that I have ever seen. And I like bad movies, so I have seen my fair share of lemons.
I give this movie 0 out of 5 smashed clocks.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Shark Swarm
Earlier, I reviewed a movie with "Luke Duke" (The Hive). This movie has "Bo Duke" (John Schneider). Now all I need to o is find a good movie with Catherine Bach and I will have a trio of the Dukes from Hazzard County.
Shark Swarm is a movie that is about building condominiums. You wouldn't think it by the title. The evil real estate mogul, Hamilton Lux, wants to build ocean view property in the little town of Full Moon Bay. He has been paying the people of the town a handsome price for their properties. But Bo Duke doesn't want to sell. He wants to try and preserve the way of life of the town.
The problem is that the condemed power plant has been leaking waste into the bay and killing off all of the fish. No fish, no fishermen, no way of life. And as an added bonus, the sharks in the area have become more aggressive and are also schooling together to attack people.
I'd like to be able to tell you about the solution to this movie, but it is a "to be continued" movie. I guess there is a Shark Swarm 2 out there. It probably lacks in fake blood and has rubber sharks on beaches just like this movie. The sequel will probably introduce characters whose only contribution to the film is to become a shark attack victim, just like this movie. And it will probably have an environmental undertone, just like this movie.
Let me save you the trouble. The evil Hamilton Lux will get his just deserts and Bo Duke will be fishing once again in the Bay. Doesn't everybody feel better?
I give this movie 1/2 out of 5 shark teeth.
Shark Swarm is a movie that is about building condominiums. You wouldn't think it by the title. The evil real estate mogul, Hamilton Lux, wants to build ocean view property in the little town of Full Moon Bay. He has been paying the people of the town a handsome price for their properties. But Bo Duke doesn't want to sell. He wants to try and preserve the way of life of the town.
The problem is that the condemed power plant has been leaking waste into the bay and killing off all of the fish. No fish, no fishermen, no way of life. And as an added bonus, the sharks in the area have become more aggressive and are also schooling together to attack people.
I'd like to be able to tell you about the solution to this movie, but it is a "to be continued" movie. I guess there is a Shark Swarm 2 out there. It probably lacks in fake blood and has rubber sharks on beaches just like this movie. The sequel will probably introduce characters whose only contribution to the film is to become a shark attack victim, just like this movie. And it will probably have an environmental undertone, just like this movie.
Let me save you the trouble. The evil Hamilton Lux will get his just deserts and Bo Duke will be fishing once again in the Bay. Doesn't everybody feel better?
I give this movie 1/2 out of 5 shark teeth.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Hitchhiker
Most people will never pick up a hitchhiker on the side of the road. Lucky for us, the people in this movie did not take that advice. The first hitchhiker is odd enough. He reviews adult films. And also happens to be into men. Which promptly puts him out of the truck.
The bigger problem is with the man who picked up the hitchhiker. He was a little disappointed with his girlfriend cheating on him, so he brought her out to the desert and ... you can guess what happens. And you would think that he would be happy enough to put that problem behind him. I guess not, because he hitches and gets picked up by four women from Colorado Springs, who are on their way to Vegas to get liquored up and make bad decisions.
Conveniently, there is something wrong with the brand new car that they are driving and must spend the night at a motel on the side of the road. Things get out of had quickly when one of the women has some sex with the hitchhiker. Tame to what will happen next. A stab here, a punch there, and the hitchhiker begins to get very violent with the women. Add in some additional victims and a couple of the worst police officers in Utah and you have all of the makings for a body stacking party.
The story moves along fine and the hitchhiker guy is pretty convincing as a lunatic. I thought that the violence was a little held back. Gore could have been played up a little more too. But other than that, not a bad little flick. Ending is very predictable.
I give this movie 1 1/2 out of 5 bottles of Miller High Life.
The bigger problem is with the man who picked up the hitchhiker. He was a little disappointed with his girlfriend cheating on him, so he brought her out to the desert and ... you can guess what happens. And you would think that he would be happy enough to put that problem behind him. I guess not, because he hitches and gets picked up by four women from Colorado Springs, who are on their way to Vegas to get liquored up and make bad decisions.
Conveniently, there is something wrong with the brand new car that they are driving and must spend the night at a motel on the side of the road. Things get out of had quickly when one of the women has some sex with the hitchhiker. Tame to what will happen next. A stab here, a punch there, and the hitchhiker begins to get very violent with the women. Add in some additional victims and a couple of the worst police officers in Utah and you have all of the makings for a body stacking party.
The story moves along fine and the hitchhiker guy is pretty convincing as a lunatic. I thought that the violence was a little held back. Gore could have been played up a little more too. But other than that, not a bad little flick. Ending is very predictable.
I give this movie 1 1/2 out of 5 bottles of Miller High Life.
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